It’s A Parking Lot Not Grand Theft Auto

Jul 7, 2017

Ok, so we’ve all had that parking lot experience where you have wanted to scream and cry because there was no parking anywhere at the mall, grocery store, movies, or wherever. You have circled the lot 30 times with no end in sight and then, like a beacon in the night, some beautiful soul starts to walk back to their car and you all but stalk them on the way back. When they start to pull out, you think you’re going to make it, and then some dingus pulls into the spot you have been patiently waiting for for around an hour by now. At this point, you are ready to rip the hair from your head. I think that we have all been there in one form or another. In light of our shared nightmarish experience, I thought it would be a good idea to go over some simple parking lot etiquette that we should all strive to follow. It will make the world, or at least your local Hannaford a more pleasant place.

DO drive slowly through the parking lot. This is not Grand Theft Auto, you don’t get points for hitting people in the parking lot. You do, however, go to jail. So maybe don’t speed around parking lots.
DO signal if you plan to take a parking space. I usually love a good guessing game, but friends, I’m not a mind reader and can not tell where you intend to go without those sweet little signals.
DO NOT take a spot that someone else is signaling for. I feel like this should be an obvious one, but, as it happens all the time, let me reiterate. IF SOMEONE ELSE IS SIGNALING, THAT IS NOT YOUR SPOT.
DO NOT park too close to another car. I am 100% pro cuddling, ok. That is great. DO NOT cuddle your car up to my car. No one wants that. No one.
DO NOT park across multiple spots. Just don’t do it, man. Come on, we get it, don’t touch you. But like, taking up all those spaces and messing with the natural order of the parking lot is not going to enact a protective barrier around your car. Please, pick 1 spot.
DO NOT park in an electric vehicle charging spot. That’s just a jerk move. Don’t be a jerk. People need that spot. Unless you have an electric vehicle, don’t do it.
DO NOT block someone’s trunk or tailgate. So if you’re at a grocery store, it seems fairly obvious that they will, upon returning to the car need to access their trunk. Maybe don’t block that. That sounds like a good plan.
DO NOT pull your car so far into the parking space that the space appears to be free. Here’s the thing friends, there is nothing more soul crushing than thinking that a space is open, only to realize that it’s just a CRAZY small car. The light literally leaves my eyes. Please try to keep your vehicle visible.
DO park if you don’t want your car hit or scratched and want to keep it safe, rather than taking up 4 parking spots(I have seen this done and honestly it’s excessive) you can park farther off it the lot so that people will leave your car alone.
DO NOT park unevenly. That’s why the lines exist guys. To show you where your car should go. It’s like coloring in the lines, I know that we can do this.
DO back out slowly. I don’t know what it is about parking lots, but every time I go to pull out there is a random small child sprinting behind my car. SO, pull out slowly. Save a life.